Posts Tagged ‘LGBT’

At Planned Parenthood, we are strong advocates for the rights of all lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people. Unfortunately, not all people are in our society.  As each generation passes, acceptance towards LGBT folks rises, but we still have a very long way to go.  Being a strong LGBT ally is vital towards achieving full equality. This means supporting policies that allow lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgender people to equally enjoy the privileges that heterosexuals enjoy. But it also means supporting LGBT people in your day-to-day personal life.

Being out as LGBT has its challenges.  We all classify people to their sexual orientation whether we realize it or not. There is no denying that sexuality is a large part of our everyday lives. It affects who we spend time with, where we go, how we talk to one another, and how we dress.  It affects who we befriend, trust, and cry to when things get hard.  Yes, sexuality has to do with sex (who we have it with and who we want to have it with). But it also affects who we share our lives with and to what extent of information we share.

For example, every holiday, doctor’s visit, work day, and dinner out, I’m asked about who I’m dating. Not only am I asked about who I’m dating, I’m asked where my partner lives and works. And these questions are from people I don’t even know! 

These are ordinary things we know about friends’ boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives. So for those of you who can safely and comfortably talk about what I just described, try to imagine how it might feel if you were a LGBT person. You might avoid the question of “Where are you going this weekend?” among co-workers (keep in mind it’s still legal to fire someone for being lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender in 33 states-including North Carolina). Maybe you use the pronoun “they” instead of “he” or “she” when someone asks you who you’re interested in dating. Perhaps you want to with your doctor about having safe sex with your partner, but don’t feel comfortable discussing your sexuality with him or her. And maybe while everyone during the holidays takes their wife/girlfriend or husband/boyfriend to your parents, you were told that you were not allowed to bring your life partner. And while your friends and family shove wedding pictures in your face to look at, what do you say when they ask, “When are you getting married? We have to find someone for you! What are you waiting for?”

These are all too familiar situations that arise for lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender people. So the next time you hear someone say, “I’m ok with gay people, as long as they don’t flaunt their sexuality. Straight people don’t do all that!”, consider how much straight people “flaunt” their sexuality everyday.  As a good LGBT ally, you can provide a supportive environment for LGBT people to express their sexuality in the same ways that straight people take for granted everyday.

Ever since Obama won the White House, I’ve wished my hairdresser believed in the don’t ask, don’t tell policy. Her subtle eye rolls, sighs and laments about the world falling apart, were enough for me to guess she wasn’t dancing like me on Snobama Day.

I did everything in my power to help her keep her political lifestyle in the closet. I skirted any mention of current events and focused instead on stories about my kids, her family or, in moments of desperation, celebrities.

I’ll admit it. I think it’s much, much harder to find a good hair dresser than it is to find a good doctor—if you’re insured of course and live where I do.

So, during my last hair appointment, after we’d covered the latest sagas in our personal lives, I gently nudged us towards the rich and famous. Oprah is always fair game. I knew there was the whole Chicago and endorsement connection to Obama but I thought we’d stay on the what-will-the-world-do-without-Oprah track.

But then, faster than I could see it coming, my hairdresser moved to Ellen DeGeneres, “That Ellen DeGeneres is so funny. I don’t believe in what she does but she is so funny.” That’s when I knew it. I could never come back.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Ellen DeGeneres and even think she’s cute but I’m not breaking up with my hair dresser over her. I’m breaking up because I’m just tired of small minded bigots getting away with saying being gay is a lifestyle. No one ever thinks my heterosexual marriage is a lifestyle, choice or hobby.

No one ever wonders how I became heterosexual. No one thinks my heterosexual parents may have influenced my choice. No one thinks I made a choice.

And twice now I’ve reported incidents in my son’s middle school where I’ve overheard kids call someone gay as if it’s a bad thing or faggot because it is. I doubt these kids would use a racial epithet out loud or, if they did, I doubt they think they’d get by with it.

As a happily married woman, I can’t imagine wanting to deny another couple my happiness. Why shouldn’t two adults who want to live a shared life be able to get married? It makes no sense.

I just finished reading (and highly recommend) The Help, which poignantly depicts the racial prejudice prevalent some forty years ago. One day a book will be written about the days of marriage discrimination and it will shock future generations.

The list goes on. Why shouldn’t a loving couple regardless of gender be able to adopt a child? Why are North Carolina’s homegrown right-wing zealots who push adoption as the only answer to unwanted pregnancies foaming at the mouth over the idea that adoption by same sex couples may be legitimized in our state.

Yesterday was the fait accompli. The cowardice shown by Senate Republicans, led by Senator John McCain, reached a new low. If Republicans are so convinced that mandating discrimination in our armed forces is the right thing to do, then why are they afraid of debating it on the Senate floor?

If you’ve had enough like me,  you should join me at Pride in Durham this weekend. I wouldn’t miss it for the world—to be surrounded by a sea of people who accept others for who they are and respect the love shared by all couples and families.

So if you see me looking a little shabby come mid-November, please understand. Or better yet, send me a referral to a hairdresser with a little Pride.

A Mississippi high school senior, Constance McMillen, wanted to take her girlfriend to prom with her. Her school district refused, so she contacted the local branch of the ACLU, which then contacted the school and asked them to reverse their policy or face legal action. The school’s response? They canceled the entire prom. Because, as we all know, it’s better to completely cancel an important rite of passage for high school students than allow any lesbians access to it.

Since then, Constance has become a bit of a celebrity. Articles about her have appeared on Yahoo, CNN, and Huffington Post. A Facebook fan page called “Let Constance Take Her Girlfriend to Prom” now has almost 430,000 fans. She’s also appeared on CBS’s The Early Show and Ellen Degeneres’ talk show, talking about her experiences.

The ACLU sued to get the school district to reinstate prom but, to no avail. And, in the meantime, Constance became a walking target at her school, as fellow students blamed her for the cancellation of prom and “ruining [their] senior year.” In a sick twist, students appear to have gone so far as to set up a fake alternative prom for Constance and some other students (including students with learning disabilities) to attend, while the “real” prom for the majority of students was held elsewhere. You can read more about that here.

Situations like these are why I feel the need for comprehensive sex ed in school systems is so important to put in place. One of the facets of may comprehensive sex ed programs is a respect for diversity and tolerance of all people… which are two things that Constance’s school district (and her fellow classmates) seems to be desperately lacking. I’m under no delusion that comprehensive sex ed would have fixed all of Constance’s issues… but I do feel that, just maybe, if we begin to instill lessons of tolerance in kids from an early age, some of that sticks. And maybe some of Constance’s fellow students (along with school district employees) would have stood with her.

One day, I hope that they’ll wish they did.